I Swear by Mustache

I swear by my mustache and my love of it that I will not surrender to Jeff’s (Jeff is a real person who lives on this planet) request to shave my mustache, nor ask any man on earth to shave for me. I swear by my mustache and the love of its amusement in which my fingers twirl it every second, that I behold and hold this truth to be self-evident that every mustache is being grown free and independent with inherent natural rights that cannot be, by persuasion and lure, deprived or interrupted its spread and domination over the lips.

Ashraf Ghani, Promises To Ban Burqa If Elected

Women who participated in Ashraf Ghani Ahmadzai's presidential campaign in Kabul. The photo is taken from his facebook page

For the first time in the history of Afghanistan, a hope ignited for Afghan women to be totally liberated from sexual oppression, imposed by their men. On Thursday, February 27, Ashraf Ghani Ahmadzai, a potential contender for the upcoming Afghan election in April 5, talked to an audience of women who were all in burqas. Under a tight security measure - fearing of women being stolen - the ceremony was held at the Intercontinental Hotel of Kabul and hosted thousands of women from all over Afghanistan.

Wrapped in a khaki Afghan shawl, Ashraf Ghani, emerged with his entourage and went directly to the podium, where a banner proclaimed “tāhāwūl and tādāwūm” (change and continuity). Gazed at his audience while clearing his throat; after resting his elbows on the podium, he started: “Sisters and mothers, you all have endured pains to come to Kabul, and pronounce your support for me,” after a short pause Mr. Ahmadzai continued, “as a servant of you, not as a ruler, I tell you that you will all be liberated, when I am elected a president.”

His voice roused some women from their slumbers. Some were murmuring while some others were quite but anxiously waiting what Mr. Ahmadzai would say to them. Mr. Ahmadzai, spent more than 45 minutes talking about history of western women and how they struggled to obtain their freedom that ultimately resulted to the liberation of their bodies, something that men desire. Everyone seemed bored of his boring long-winded speech; some elder women have already fallen asleep and their deafening snores were reminding of several tanks moving towards the battle field. Worn out of his bombastic speech, almost at the end of his speech, Ashraf Ghani, excitedly took out a piece of paper from his left pocket and after taking a deep breath, and while his right hand still held in the air, he volubly started:

“If I become the president of our motherland, I will issue a decree to ban the burqa that is imposed on you. The central oppression remains in burqa itself, it is a prison, and it clogs up the flowing of thoughts in your brain, which is why people think you are all thoughtless. That is the reason that today, Afghan women are considered by their men as mere chattels: possessions with no rights, and sexual slaves. The reason that you are being treated as sexual slaves, I must say that there is a lack of sex drive in you all, because you all lack libidos, a sexual desire that is important, first, for yourself, and then, for your men. Why? Because it is clear to me that you all hide it under those damn blue burlap sacks, when you walk on the streets, no desire being aroused in men. This is simply a tragedy. What we all have between our legs should sacredly be treated and publically be demonstrated.  Therefore, in order to make a better Afghanistan, I want the women, the 50% of our population, to be part of my team, the “change and continuity.” With this, I mean, I first change you, and then, I continue that change in you."

Ashraf Ghani’s words like aroma of geranium permeated throughout the hall, whiffs of a familiar and unfamiliar smell resided in the limbic system of women who were all in burqas. The impulse of self-attraction and imagination of libido was inflamed in all participants. Under the burqa, some started turning their bodies right and left, then started experiencing twitching and spasming, a small group of them still played with themselves, while some others’ moans have already filled the entire hall.

No one listened and no one knew what Mr. Ahmadzai have said during this time. He left the hall amid magnificent smile and joy pouring from women in burqa onto the floor. One of the Kabul-based newspapers titled the event as “a historic moment for the Afghan women.” Afghan historians simply called it a “turning point” in the history of Afghanistan; while women who took part in the event simply called it the “dawn of Afghan women libido.”

Afghans are Natural Born Thinkers

The photo is taken in Kabul suburbs -2008

Sunk deep into an ocean of thought, Afghans are famous to be natural born thinkers. As you can see in this photo, three Afghans who are probably in their 50s have glued their gazes at the patterns of the colorful carpet. The man with a Kandahari hat thinks how drops of ocean have ended up into his cup and turned into tea that would finally goes into his body. He floats deep into a dream of joy because he finally comes into the conclusion that the water has come from ocean, which Afghanistan lacks.

The other person in the middle has stuck his tea cup into his right cheek and wonders how in the heck humans learned to draw such complicated patterns on the carpet underneath him. The third person, on the right, has broadened his look to a horizon which is not usual to Afghans. Afghans do not to have horizon, at all; even the most basic and needed ones; for example, horizon of having peace, live a better life, and hoping a better future for their posterity.

Nevertheless, Afghans are ironically the greatest thinkers and they think extremely deep. When they fall into thinking, they completely forget to take a break. A correct political term for this type of people would be “extremism.” In fact, some Afghans are extremists, especially in fighting. Take the 30 years of war for example; when Afghans start fighting, they do not stop until they exterminate each other, or, someone else interferes and halts them from fighting. They even invented a code to justify their deeds and their desires for killing each other: “Pashtunwali,” the famous Pashtun tribal code of conduct that’s famously themed in the Lone Survivor movie. According to Pashtunwali, you can kill as much as you want, until no one is left to take revenge. If you cannot kill them right away, wait for 100 years and beyond to protract the blood feud to thousands of years.

Afghan thinkers have their own base of reasoning. Their women are not included, however; they rather think women are so meek to be bothered, for their presence in public would be lustfully disastrous. As a result, women in Afghanistan are part of social outcast, like once the Hazaras were.

When it comes to modern thought and philosophy, Afghans are unique. A few centuries ago, Rene Descartes, while in his dark room sipping his bitter coffee went into a deep thought; he struggled to find a valid reason to form the foundation of his philosophy, but he finally postulated this famous statement: “I think, therefore, I am.” This statement to Afghans is worthless. I asked several Afghans about Descartes’s quote, their reaction was: “So, who cares.” Afghans think that they have given birth to God to serve them, and the crux of their philosophy is: “I am an Afghan, therefore, I’m destructive.”

In the words of Thomas Hobbes, Afghans could fall into the category of “brutish.” In the words of Thomas More, Afghans are so incorrigible, and ignorant that thousands of years even pass, Afghans would not be eligible to enter into Utopia. Sadly, More, would even go further on listing the words “Afghan,” and “Afghanistan” as taboo words in Utopia.

Nonetheless, Afghans remain extreme thinkers to this day, and deductively, sadly, some of them are with extreme opinions.

ISI’s Plot at Indian Consulate in New York

The Indian diplomat, Devyani Khobragade, who was arrested on a slavery offense in New York, finally left the United States for her home country. At the V.I.P aisle at the Indira Gandhi International Airport, hanging on his father's shoulder, Khobragade complained about her cavity search by police in New York: “They put their hands here,” pointing to her crotch “and here,” pointing to her cleavage, “I didn’t understand what they wanted from me.” Said Khobragade.

A journalist who belonged to the National Democratic Alliance asked Khobragade: “Don’t you think your case is being knowingly confused by the ruling party in India that no official has regretted so far?” While Khobragade tried to get her strength back and find an answer, another journalist asked: “Ms. Khobragade, don’t you think your case is a modern day slavery, which is a norm and widely practiced in India and deeply engrained in Indian psych that they don’t think it is wrong?” Bewildered, Khobragade, in the meantime, looking chagrined, she angrily tried to answer the question, but her father, Uttam Khobragade, intervened: “It was a plot by the Pakistan ISI to prepare the ground for another attack on Indian soil by Lashkar-e-Taiba, like the 2008-Mumbai Attacks. Don’t worry, this time, it will be on the U.S. Embassy.” He was reminding the journalists of India’s retaliation against the United States in which the Indian government removed security barriers to U.S. embassy as anger over the diplomat's arrest.


Uttam Khobragade said to media that the slavery charge against his daughter was a plot by the Pakistani intelligence service in New York. Uttam added that at first, he believed that his daughter’s ordeal was a complicated machination by the CIA, but he finally came to the conclusion that Sangeeta Richard was an ISI agent.

“Slave,” Sangeeta Richard, who earlier this week spoke to journalists in New York City, denied the Uttamn’s claim that she has been an ISI agent. She told the media that she was forced by Ms. Khobragade to work 168 to 190 hours a week, with no breaks for sleep, calls, and meals. “I told her a lot of time that madam, I’m unhappy, too much work, no time to do my things.” Ms. Richards continued while a mood of despondency turned her face pale: “In two years, no sex, nothing. Every time I tried with my husband, Philip in Delhi, over the phone, madam interrupted.” Said, salve, Sangeeta Richard.

On Friday, January 11, the Indian government welcomed the return of Devyani Khobragade, and promised to appoint Ms. Khobragade as the Minister of Modern Slavery of India.